It was two weeks shy of Halloween when we lost the only thing that was keeping us afloat. You lost your power when you left the state. I sang along to every word like you were still beside me, because you can’t take it away. I heard our song today, on the station that would play our favorite tunes. You lost your power when you quit the play. Perhaps I should move to transition, but you can’t take it away. More and more, I find my mind still turns to you. I thought to erase our initials, but you can’t take it away from me. I saw our spot today, between the trees in the woods not far from our home. You lost your power when you wouldn’t stay. Perhaps I should move on to something new, but you can’t take it away. I hate this whole charade where I pretend my days don’t start and end with you. I thought to ignore her attention, but you can’t take it away from me. She looks at me with a sympathetic stare. The king should destroy old traditions, but you can’t take it away. The queen of hearts took her namesake and hit the road. I tried to pretend not to notice, but you can’t take it away from me. I suppose I’ve become the the embodiment of our motto: Well, even with the strangers who come and go, you occupy my mind. The call of something more than the small town we inhabited, and the mundane existence it demanded. As we walked to every interesting landmark and shop that caught our attention, I kept noticing the unmistakable twinkle in your eye. We laughed, but they were the smartest people in the room. We saw tourists from overseas carrying umbrellas for the sun. The summer heat belting down on those wide city streets. I remember that vacation we took to Phoenix. Painting these portraits of solitude for an audience of one, to populate an art gallery that doesn’t exist, and that no one would visit. I suppose I’m just gathering evidence of my existence. No idea if these musings will make it into the final product. I guess we are doing our own thing, but I’ll keep you in mind.Įvery morning I find myself met with these same walls, this same town, these same people. She might’ve been part of your circle? Just you had my eyes (so I cannot say for certain). Why does it feel like betrayal every time I wish I could hate you? Why does it feel like betrayal every time I want to forget you? I met a girl at the car wash. I guess I’m hoping this end will just end. I guess there are no words? I’m writing down words for this memoir.
It goes over and over until I can’t draw on my breath. If I should fail, we’ll start after rest. I’ll retrace my footsteps until I’m a new man. You dropped the I from the “I love you”, with our correspondence growing thin. We never got to have our children, or get married at all. I never thought you could leave me, but the airport is dangerously close. I blame myself for my surprise when you got the call.
They’ve long stopped adorning these walls. These picture frames paint us a scene of when we did not pretend. Where’d you run off to? This life was so simple back then.
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